Hard (re: difficult) Launch

I knew I was supposed to start blogging again almost a year ago.

I didn't really fight the notion, but I certainly didn't jump on my computer and start hammering away either. I was constantly getting hung up on blog host site reviews (in an attempt to catch-up on what I had been missing in the blog world from the last 5 years) or finding the time to actually write consistently, or - of all things - the title. It's embarrassing how much time I spent pondering what on earth I would name this tiny piece of the internet. I think one reason was because in my previous attempts at blogging, I always had a lengthy or difficult title that wasn't a true indication of my writing and didn't feel authentically me. I'm not exactly sure when I landed on Sincerely Cissy, but after many attempts at alliterative detailing and unique credibility, I was reminded of my sincerest desires as I forge this new path: to stop apologizing for who I am, sincerely. And, I love writing ambiguous letters so no doubt many of my posts will follow that form, obviously needing an appropriate salutation.

I have always been a hesitant blogger, if I can even call myself that. I don't have a niche and likely never will. I was raised to be "well-rounded" and as an adult that essentially equals being a jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none. It takes approximately 1.2 seconds for any "how do I start blogging" Google search to tell you "FIND YOUR NICHE." Great. Foiled already.

My first attempt at blogging came after watching the 2009 movie "Julie and Julia" where at one point Amy Adams' character confidently and a bit defiantly states "I have thoughts!" after discovering one of her childhood friends had been hired as a full-time blogger in Manhattan. As a minimum-wage call center worker, Julie was understandably upset by the revelation her friend was getting paid six figures simply to write down her thoughts on life.

It's 15 years later, and I still have the same reaction when I read books that are born from blogs or memoirs that all have the same "one day, I just started writing..."

So, it's my turn. After some hair-pin curves that plunged me straight off a cliff from what I expected in life, I'm ready to share my thoughts with anyone who cares to read. I'm still navigating how to define what it was that I even expected from this life much less how to steer the ship of daily living. But I'm learning, healing, and processing in ways that are profound and uncovering an even more profound God. I have a small inkling that all this work isn't just for my own benefit.

My writing is raw, unfiltered, and at times even painful for me, but its so cathartic and therapeutic act that I can't - and won't - any longer keep it only to myself. I encourage my students daily to embrace their own inner voice, to read and write and communicate with fervor and freedom. I'm now taking my own advice.

For too long, people believed a certain formula existed for living life - that X, Y, Z was necessary to "make it," that the American Dream would be elusive for all but the 1%, but maybe in spite of that, we could still manage to find some happiness. If the internet has shown us anything, it's that these formulas and molds and archaic thought patterns are not only unnecessary but at times, unhealthy. Stepping in and embracing the positives of the unknown has never really been my forte, but I also know I was never meant to fit a mold, so I'm going to build on the positives of self-expression afforded to us all through the media vastness at our fingertips.

Self-expression campaign rally-cry aside, I was quickly humbled to find that blogging has changed so much in the years I've been away. I've stumbled through building what little site you see here and am still not sure I've gotten anything right. I would often think "this is too hard now and you're too old." But in the process of building this site over the last month or so, I found my previous blogs and the pure giddiness I felt when seeing my own words on a published page is what has propelled me forward to keep going with the creation of Sincerely Cissy. As anyone else does when they undertake anything worth doing, I certainly hope my efforts will be rewarded with some readers, followers, and perhaps a small community. But even if that's not the case, I'm content with having a solid outlet that can grow with me as I journey in a completely unexpected life. And that's really quite lovely.